Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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