last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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