All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
