I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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