considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
