No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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