just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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