my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Couch. On fire.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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