I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
