Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
