if you like me you must not know who I am
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
