it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
