So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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