dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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