I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
