why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
