My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
