WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
try to milk me bitch
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