I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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