Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
