and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
