8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize