New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would ride that face into the sunset
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
