why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
