I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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