well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
