i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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