I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
