She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
