I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
