I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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