Christians are straight up FREAKS
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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