bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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