I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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