Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
