Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
