Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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