You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
