You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
