I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
