we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
