Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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