That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
