Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
