Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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