Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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