just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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