Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
