I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
