i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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