True but thats because hes a fetus.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
