Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
