I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
