I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
