OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
