I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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