I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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