Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
