i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
