Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
