Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
