she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
