My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
