i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
