Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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