Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
