its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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