one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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