I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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